I have a profound respect for a man who can read 26,000 user reviews of Trump products. Joseph Rago decided tolet the people speak (or try this link) and find out what Trump’s “goods” are like in the words of those who have shelled out their own money to buy them. Some choice passages — here’s one about the vodka:
Drinkers can also no longer enjoy “Donald J. Trump: The World’s Finest Super Premium Vodka, Success Distilled,” which was discontinued in 2011, though it is unclear if anyone ever enjoyed it. A connoisseur at the website Vodkaphiles compares the flavor to “gas station burritos, slightly expired 2% milk, hard boiled eggs, and canned pears.”
Did you know Trump sells perfume?
Perhaps Mr. Trump’s people simply have different preferences when it comes to the human senses. On a fragrances bulletin board, a reviewer says the notes of Success by Trump eau de toilette spray evoke adjectives like “cloying, synthetic, annoyance, headache inducing and maybe even household cleanser.” Another chimes in, “Maybe it could make the dumpster outside my house smell better, but I doubt it.”
Other hilarious reviews follow (the whole piece is worth a read). The author finally decides to try some for himself. Here’s part of his review of the Trump Grill:
A lobster ravioli appetizer ($14) appeared to be frozen food, which offered reassurance: “unlikely to be poisonous.” Meat was riskier. To the cows that gave their lives in vain for the Gold Label cheeseburger ($20) and the Trump Tower steak sandwich ($23), we apologize. Our glasses of “red wine blend” from Trump Winery—a Meritage, the 2013 vintage ($11), and a 2012 New World Reserve ($16)—also disappointed. The esophageal burns speak for themselves.
Judging by customer reviews, Mr. Trump’s products are every bit as high quality as the man who pasted his name all over them.